All the stuff you never knew you needed to know about life in rural France.....and all the stuff the books and magazines won't tell you.

Sunday, 8 April 2012

Experts at your service...

Prostitute waiting for customers. Español: Pro...                  (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Yet more lawless lawyers on their way!

Provision has already been made for failed politicians to practice law without passing the Bar exams.

People with 'equivalent qualifications' can be accepted as at the discretion of the ruling body - not just politicians but trade unionists, in house lawyers, top civil servants etc. who can show eight years experience in a legal milieu.
I suspect that the legal milieu might be a restaurant where failed politicians, trade unionists, in house lawyers and top civil servants congregate, but let us not be cynical.

Not yet.

Elections being in the air, the National Assembly has been getting a bit worried about the fate of some of its members.
Given that they are accustomed to having cheap housing loans, cheap rents for top rate properties, little brown envelopes of the folding stuff to do with as they wish and whopping pension entitlements how are these poor devils to live if - horror of horrors - they lose their seat?

They could become lawyers under the existing provisions?

Well, no, not all of them. There are some for whom finding the existence of an 'equivalent qualification' would stretch even French smoke and mirrors too far.
Somehow I don't think a BTS in bribery and corruption would count.....

So, to accommodate these poor souls, further provision for access to the legal profession has been made.
Anyone who, for the last eight years, has exercised public responsibilities related directly to law making (i.e. a politician) can now be a lawyer too.
Without passing an exam.
Even an exam so simple as that imposed on Argan in Moliere's Le Malade Imaginaire.

And lest we forget their hard working staff - also out of a job - they can now practice law as well - but they have to have  an 'equivalent qualification'.

Thus neatly marking the line between the buffoon and his backroom.

Time to be cynical yet?
Not quite.

Looking on the positive side, if this could be widened to include politicians from other countries, think what expert lawyers we would have to advise us...

You are accused of plagiarism? No less than two ex Presidents - Germany and Hungary - could come to your aid.....

Under declaration of your income for tax? An ex Finance Minister of Costa Rica knows just what he should have said....

The authorities class the fee you received for advising on a public service contract as a bribe? No less than three ex Presidents of Costa Rica will know all about the problem...

Illegal telephone taps? The spin doctor of the British Prime Minister is at your side....

Overstating your expenses? Half the House of Commons will be in the thick of it with you.....

But, of course, this is France, so you'll be stuck with a French politician as your brief.

Still, should you be accused of aiding and abetting the organisation of a prostitution ring you would be relieved to know that you could call on the services of Dominique Strauss-Kahn, who has the essentials of the matter at his finger tips.

Of course you did not know that the ladies with whom you were cavorting were prostitutes.
In their birthday suits all indications of social distinction vanish and you would not be such a cad as to enquire into the source of their income.

So it follows that you would treat any woman present at these little soirees as sex objects - as borne out by accounts of your behaviour in lifts with women who were definitely not filles de joie.

And thus your references to women as objects, the 'wherewithall' to be brought along like luggage to the venues appointed, could not possibly indicate that you knew them to be prostitutes as that was your attitude to women in general.

Your lawyer will then advise you to indicate to the court that, indeed, you bought your own Viagra and that you are happily married to a rich woman.

If he gets away with it, so will you.



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26 comments:

  1. I wonder if Le Surete reads this...

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    1. I think I'm O.K. there...it's written in English....

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  2. DSK is Trans-Atlantically Despicable.

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    1. I suspect that there are many more like him in French society....

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    2. The trouble with this post is that it's all too 'effin' true...

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    3. Just don't tell the 'living the dream'ers....they get upset.

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  3. What gets me is that the result of the French press's atitude that politicians are entitled to a private life could have led to a scumbag like that being president. (Not that there aren't many more as you note, but even so) Can you imagine what the international press would have made of him?

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    1. Mincemeat! Even without 'phone hacking.

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  4. People doing jobs they are not qualified to do? Sounds rather like local government in the UK. Believe me, I know.

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    1. I believe you Steve...and if you look at The Bankers blog you'll find it widespread elsewhere too.

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  5. Thanks Fly! I shall sleep so much more peacefully at night knowing there will be regiments of 'new' lawyers ready to support me at need once the elections are over.

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    1. There's the French politician for you...totally selfless....

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  6. Perhaps the appointment of ex-politicoes into "lawyer" rôles is an explicit recognition of the complaint that success in law is a matter of trafficking influence?

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    1. Given the traffic of influence in French courts perhaps we should celebrate this move as a triumph for transparency....

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  7. Abuse of power never stops does it. They must get so used it it's impossible to turn it off.

    I just hope I never have to use another lawyer in my life. Getting divorced was as near as I want to get to the French legal system and it's ruined me for life!

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    1. And have you read the story of 'Hobos in France'!

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    2. And when you think that they are the tip of the iceberg!

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  8. Ridiculous isn't it?

    Actually I'm pretty sure a lot of the lawyers in Turkey aren't qualified. From what I've heard of the experiences of others here, the lawyers seem to make up the law as they go along.

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    1. And if memory serves me right, recently about 70% of candidates for the judiciary in Costa Rica failed the law part of the examination.....which accounts for Licenciado Luis.

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  9. They'll all be able to get together and pass the " Do as I say, not as I do" law, though...

    The only manifesto booklet that has made it past my "pas de pub" defences was that of Marine Le Pen. Her legal team will have enormous fun should hell freeze over and hand her the presidency. Apparently, anyone who wants French nationality in future will need to demonstrate their contribution to La France by becoming a contributing, working, French-speaking member of society. No job, no French nationality. Great. Moving to next manifesto point: Priority for ALL jobs must be given to French nationals. So, no change there, then. And certainly nothing that an ex-politico with a Brevet in needlework couldn't bend to shape...

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    1. I had always reckoned that the French invented Catch 22....and how typical that the FN leaflet made it to your postbox - not all postmen are lefties...

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  10. This just underscores my current Modus Operandi...keep my head down, piss off nobody, own nothing and remain poor. I don't even want to test a system like that!

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    1. You make a good point...it wisest in France to have nothing somebody else would want....

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  11. He'll get away with it. I'm cynical enough to believe that. Oh, and being male, I have to applaud the 'art' you chose.

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    1. Especially if Hollande wins the Presidential election...too many nasty things lurking under stones as it is in the PS up in the north...
      And as for the 'art', why should DSK be the only one to enjoy himself...

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